About Me, Mariam Mellouli
My name is Mariam Mellouli; I’m 40 years old and have Moroccan roots. I was born and raised in Copenhagen. But I speak Arabic and regularly go on vacation to Morocco to visit family and experience Moroccan culture and the local atmosphere.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a psychologist. A psychologist or a singer—and I really can’t sing—so becoming a psychologist was clearly the best choice for me. But honestly, my curiosity about what the human mind is made of and what it’s capable of has fascinated me since before I was a teenager. When I was 11, on vacation in Morocco, I read a book about Sigmund Freud that my dad had brought along. I’d already read the three books I’d brought with me on vacation. I was curious and fascinated. Without knowing everything I know today, I understood even then that the mind is more complex than one might think. And also fascinating.
The fact that I ended up becoming a psychologist didn’t come as a surprise to those who knew me well. And after 14 years as a psychologist, I still can’t imagine being anything else. I’m just as curious today as I was back then, and that also means I’ve continued my education and taken many courses since I graduated from the University of Copenhagen in 2008.
Psychology covers a wide range of topics. My professional journey has involved a little bit of everything. But there has been a clear common thread running through all the changes I’ve made. I want to be in a position where I can make a meaningful difference while also continuing to grow.
2008, THE BEGINNING OF MY JOURNEY AS A PSYCHOLOGIST
After graduating with a degree in psychology in 2008, I was pretty sure I wanted to work with children. I had thought that this was where I could make the biggest difference. I got a job as a psychologist with the Educational Psychology Counseling Service in the province and was assigned to schools and daycare centers in areas with limited resources.
I imagined that, in collaboration with teachers and parents, I would work together to determine where the child could have the very best environment for development. But I quickly realized that the teachers, early childhood educators, and administration were frustrated—frustrated by the lack of resources, the increased external demands, the lack of understanding of their work situation, and now also annoyed with the psychologist who had come to offer them advice.
I started by listening and offering “good” advice. But I kept hearing explanations of why that solution wasn’t possible and that much more was needed. I quickly realized that the biggest problem was their sense of powerlessness. The last thing they needed was a psychologist who reinforced that powerlessness by reminding them what their job was.
I started spending more time talking to them about what they thought was important, what they were passionate about in their work, and what they found difficult—without offering advice or talking about the mandatory action plans.
ONE OF MY (MANY) MEANINGFUL "AHA" MOMENTS AS A PSYCHOLOGIST
I remember an incident where I spoke with a teacher who was frustrated with a boy. She thought he should be somewhere else. The teacher was upset and said things that could be interpreted as condescending. In the past, I would have gotten a little defensive and felt like I had to take the child’s side. Instead, I let this teacher speak while I listened. Based on her reaction, I know she hadn’t expected what I said. I said, “It must really be important to you that this boy gets the support he needs, because otherwise you wouldn’t be so upset. If you didn’t care, would you be this upset?”
The teacher started crying. We talked about why she had become a teacher, what was difficult about working with the boy, and what she hoped might change. Then we set a goal that was realistic for her and this student. At the next meeting with the parents and the teaching team, it was this very teacher who opened the meeting by describing how this boy had handled a difficult situation. I thought to myself, “Can change happen that quickly?”
This is an example of a simple effort that made a huge difference. I learned that if I wanted the teacher to treat children with difficulties with respect, I had to start by treating the teacher with difficulties with respect.
FROM SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST TO (BACK) TO THE CLASSROOM AT KING’S COLLEGE LONDON
I came to realize that an entire system has to work together before the desired change can take place. In this context, it was the teachers and the early childhood educator who were closest to the child. But the psychologist and all the other partners, as well as the administration and its leadership, were just as responsible for the results that were achieved.
That experience sparked my passion for organizational psychology. So I took a year off. In 2013, I moved to London and began my second master’s degree in Strategic HR and Organizational Analysis at King’s College. I chose to pursue a full master’s program because it would allow me to delve deeper into the subject and find answers and a framework for the work experiences and questions I’d encountered while working as a psychologist for the municipality.
After I returned home, I got a job at Dansk Erhverv and was part of a small team. Among other things, I was responsible for helping Danish businesses with their HR issues. I also helped teach courses on leadership and recruitment. It was incredibly exciting, but after I’d been there for just under a year—during which there had been quite a few organizational changes and a change in leadership—I landed a new job as a management consultant at Implement Consulting Group. That was a big deal for me. I’d heard so much about how difficult it is to get into a consulting firm—that you have to be among the absolute best. Even though I was invited to interview, I had to go through several rounds of interviews and take tests. It certainly wasn’t easy, but I got in—and it was an amazing experience.
I had high hopes when I started at the consulting firm. I was thrown right into the deep end from day one and learned a great deal, both professionally and personally. Along the way, I became interested in the other side of being part of an ambitious company, and began coaching a handful of my colleagues in the hope that I could trade my management position—which typically involved a 60-hour workweek—for a position as the “in-house psychologist.”
I was fascinated by the work culture, the consultants, how they thrived and participated in the community. This included the “culture of performance metrics,” which meant that you had to nurture internal relationships to advance your career. This created both positive and negative feelings—positive ones such as motivation, a sense of community, and a high level of professional expertise; and negative ones such as “status anxiety,” insecurity, and, in some cases, exploitation. I realized that I could make a difference as an in-house psychologist and coach, because if there were a safe space where employees and managers who felt pressured or challenged could reflect on those feelings, it would prevent those feelings from leading to reactions or behaviors that either affected the tasks they were working on or their own well-being and quality of life.
WHY I ENDED UP RIGHT HERE
After a year and a half—and countless exciting projects and hours of work—I decided to go into business for myself and focus on what I find most exciting. To create a safe and professionally robust space where individuals—who live lives in which they constantly contribute to the well-being of others and who feel a sense of obligation to the communities they’re part of—can pause and ensure that they also remember their own needs and values. It’s important to get rest, to make conscious choices about what to do and what not to do, and to set boundaries so that you can become part of mutually committed communities.
That’s how I ended up where I am today, helping individual clients and teams in the workplace, and giving lectures. I’ve learned a great deal from all the workplaces I’ve been at and have stayed in touch with the wonderful people I’ve met. All of this has helped shape me into the psychologist I am today. It has given me self-confidence, knowledge, and integrity—qualities I carry with me every single day. I hope and believe that this benefits the people I work with.
I guess that's all about me for now 😊
Warmest regards,
Mariam Mellouli